I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
