I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
