I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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