i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
