I want to have your abortion
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry about my life...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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