Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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