absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
