apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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