They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
