Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
