6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
