Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
