her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
