Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize