I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
