my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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