They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
