At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
