I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
