It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
