Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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