I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
