i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
