Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
