I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
