I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize