I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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