So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
