I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
