Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
