this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
