just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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