I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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