matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize