you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
