drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
