my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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