i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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