Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
