Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
