if only i could text you this smell
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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