How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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