can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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