Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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