shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
