69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
