So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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