why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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