She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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