there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
