Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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