he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
