Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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