Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
