She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
