I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
