i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
