so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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