we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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