Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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