I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
