How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
