You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
