I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
