You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
3pm strippers are depressing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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