I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
