Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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