youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
