i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
