I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
