everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
