Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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