You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
