I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
