weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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