one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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