shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dicks are not precious.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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