Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
